Hear ye, hear ye!
The 10 commandments of (bad) trumpet players doth follow!
#1 Thou shalt introduce thineself thus: “Hi, my name is ____, I’m better than you”
#2 Thou shalt play screamers in the warmup room to impress thine colleagues
#3 Thou shalt bore thy neighbour with stories of “How Maynard used to do it…” ad nauseum
#4 Thou shalt play louder than the rest of the ensemble combined
#5 Thou shalt ‘hang-over’ at the end of every chart
#6 Thou shalt inspect thy neighbour’s mouthpiece and horn without permission
#7 Thou shalt blame mistakes on sticky valves
#8 Thou shalt swap mouthpieces at least twice per chart
#9 Thou shalt practice from the lead book if hired to play a section part
#10 Thou shalt… (use the comment for below to add your own “trumpet player commandments” 
)
…look accusingly at your colleague when you chip a note
play many, many notes as an alternative to taste?
play mistakes twice! play it like you meant it, man
play without using your tongue and crescendo on every note
cover your own tuning issues by demanding to retune and glaring at the reed player!
it’s usually them though
play all lyrical passages on flugel horn, without exception.
snort whenever a trombonist mentions a gig.
I’m in awe of the ‘bone player in my band. Would never snort!
…keep rubber bands in your case and put one on after clamming a note and say, “Man, I’ve got to get this water key fixed!”.
hahaha never heard that one before!